| Lately, I’ve noticed a common theme when it comes to unhappiness or lack of fulfillment in the relationships of a lot of my clients. What is it? NOT KNOWING EACH OTHER’S EXPECTATIONS. Some people will tell you not to have any expectations at all. Others will tell you what you ‘should’ expect. And some will tell you to make your list of expectations even longer. The truth is – understanding, communicating about and agreeing on expectations (essentially rules, roles + responsibilities), is absolutely CRUCIAL to how satisfied and fulfilled you are in your relationship. WHY IS IT THAT WE DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER’S EXPECTATIONS? Expectations are unspoken agreements that silently shape our relationships. They influence how we perceive love, trust, and respect. They determine how we show up, what roles + responsibilities we take on, and what we can blindly trust our partner to do. When we don’t know them, we breed confusion, frustration, resentment and conflict. It becomes hard to align on simple things. Growth becomes stagnant. Communication breaks down and intimacy diminishes. Day-to-day life turns into a challenge, as unmet needs start to erode your connection. That’s why it’s so important to have expectations in place and to communicate them often. Expectations are essentially a roadmap for your relationship – a set of standards that guide how you both want to live within it. And the thing is…as your relationship evolves, so too, should your expectations. When you first settle in together, expectations may be about time spent together or boundaries with other people. Then, as life moves forward, expectations shift around things like financial management, responsibilities around kids and careers, future planning. And as life throws in inevitable obstacles like navigating an illness or caring for an aging parent, having trust in your expectations of each other makes it every challenge easier to manage. Whether you’re brand new or been together forever, it’s never too early or too late to have more conversations about what you expect from your partner. ASK: What is the role they want you to play? What are the responsibilities they want you to take on? Why do they want this? What are you doing/not doing now compared to their expectation? Are these expectations ones you feel comfortable with? Why? Why not? And vice-versa Feel free to comment below and share your thoughts, questions, or even your own experiences with expectations in relationships. I’d love to hear from you! So remember, do NOT cancel your expectations – instead communicate them, and use them as a compass to guide you to a happier, more fulfilled + longer-lasting relationship. |
The Problem with Expectations in Your Relationship
Hi, this is a comment.
To get started with moderating, editing, and deleting comments, please visit the Comments screen in the dashboard.
Commenter avatars come from Gravatar.